Tonight never happen.
It was for a good reason.
I don’t blame him, he was being responsible of my feelings.
That got me to thinking.
M was a true fucking sadist. I really think he got off on destroying me not just physically but more emotionally.
The short story of our last time together….
It was short notice, not well planned. I had plans with friends and had the next day off. When he showed up I was very wine drunk and feeling good. I had on the same outfit I do right now, my sexiest and classiest.
I gave him permission, no limits, no safe words, he could break me.
I was ready. Within a minute I became stone cold sober.
One stipulation, he stayed and took care of me afterwards.
I was bruised, beaten, turns out later 2 broken ribs.
He received many texts from his wife. In short he left. I was fine for about an hour, then the afterglow left and the feelings of being a whore and unloved set in.
He checked up on me later, I pretended to be fine, he face timed the next morning I did the same. Pride wouldn’t allow me to let him see how he effected me.
He told me he needed time to think. He wasn’t comfortable with the side of him I brought out and how it was effecting his life.
A few days later he sent me a message and I told him it had to end I would destroy him. He had already destroyed me.
Side note: I had to tell coworkers I fell down a flight of stairs, I couldn’t hide the pain in the weeks that followed.
So tonight was postponed because he thought of me. He didn’t want to run out on me, it was a time issue. I’m hurt, disappointed and at the same time so proud that he was that thoughtful of my feelings.
It gives me hope.