Sir knows I’ve been down on myself lately. He told me today when I had a chance to reread my old blog. I guess I needed to hear the words and feel the old me again.
A few posts in I messaged Sir asking his take. I was starting to write mine. He’s better at voice, me better at writing. I finished the blog, reliving the pain that brought me to this venue of expression. I remembered where I was (a place as of today I severed the last tie with) the things I was doing and my state of mind.
I felt I was much more immature. I was lost and torn over what my only D/s relationship had shown me. I was fighting to get better, keep going, every breath was a struggle to keep my head above water.
When I started to coorespond with Sir, he gave me hope. I don’t think I ever really explained that to him. Hope that, there was another human being out there that knew what I needed. Someone that would not “put up” with me, but more understood and cared for the many people I am.
He felt I was just more naive, not knowing what a good functional D/s relationship was. I’ve only ever had an abusive past one to go on.
In the past 7 months he’s taught me more than the kinky parts, he’s taught me….I’m a good girl, that I’m his good girl. All of the parts of me have gained from …. Just him being there.
I feel that sometimes when I overthink and freak out a little I may seem ungrateful, but I’m not. I know both the tangible and intangible things he has shown me, have made my soul sing.
Today was stressful again, but I didn’t fight the submissive side of me. I told Sir all about everything and he listened, gave advise and when I was finished gave me good pain to calm my mind.
Last night Sir had asked if I thought us not speaking for a week would help me decide if I still wanted this relationship dynamic and honestly the thought of not speaking to him for even a day is too hard to comprehend. He’s my best friend, closest confidant and …. I may get scared and pull away, but I wouldn’t want to go back to an existence without him.
Much more mushy on this delayed anaversary than in the past. As I’ve struggled so very hard to get here. The hardest part is and was the trust. Not him deserving it, but me, me allowing myself to give it.
So all of the scenes and kinky play times aside, thank you Sir for being with me and letting me be yours.
I have a surprise for you!
Please call me when you are done reading this.