I don’t think of myself as a bad person. I struggle everyday with my bad decisions.
I have little regret regarding the things I like sexually. That doesn’t mean I feel good about myself afterwards.
In the past 10 years I have had four partners, not because I couldn’t go out to any bar and leave with whomever I chose but because I do believe in emotions being tied to sex. I sometimes wish that I didn’t. Life could be so much easier.
Labeling myself as a paramour was one of the worst decisions that I have ever made. I had never been with a married man. What was worse is that I knowingly did this as I was ending my own marriage.
My marriage ended because I could never trust him after I discovered his online life and his cheating ways. I firmly believe if you choose monogamy, you stick to it or end it. No grey areas.
I know that I couldn’t handle the black stains I was making on my soul. It wasn’t the sex or the games, it was the fact that I was the reason that someone I loved felt like a piece of shit when he went home to his loving wife and child.
Like I feel like a piece of shit laying here months later all alone.