In less than 9 hours it will be one week. I can’t explain how this one week has changed me, but to write down the experience I had this morning.
When I fall into a slave mindset, my thoughts, breathe, voice all slow, I am peaceful and still slightly aware, I can speak but my eyes go soft, sometimes they will roll, to an outsider I would look high. And that is what it is, a gloriously high state of mind, transcendent, what I imagine a yogi experiences during meditation.
This is a state A has put me in so many times this week. He uses physical acts, pain, pleasure, images, imagery, or the best times he simply uses his voice, even better with words of caring and tenderness.
I woke to to his emails, one a recall of our day, another a wonderful graphic sex scene he imagined of me, the third picture he knew would make me very warm, wanting and wet. All three with such tender words.
I came off the bus, entered the subway (just missing the train). My mind was slow (it had been all morning) from the night before and the morning messages(they make me feel so secure). I leaned against the subway wall, not thinking any one thought, not fixated on a image, not recalling the song playing in my earbuds. And just allowed myself to feel. Purely emotional, I let all of the warm caring spiritually connections with A wash over me.
I entered the most blissful slave state. My body on auto pilot, got on the train, transferred trains. Stepped off onto the platform steps away from work. A single tear rolled down my face. Not from the corner of my eye, not from sadness. From the center of my left eye. I touched it put it to my lips and kissed that tear. My normal state of mind slowly returned as I climbed up the stairs to work. I didn’t need the slap in the face to return.
This to me is amazing, no physical or mental stimulus, just the abstract warm thoughts that caused such bliss, hope, and joy.
(Dearest Sir- thank you for this)